september 21, 2014

I was 15 years old when I first hurt my knee. Spring football had caused my knee to really hurt and the doctor recommended surgery, which would end my athletics and leave me 10% disable for the rest of my life. I had the surgery. I refused to hear the disability message and continued to participate in sports even to this day. My knee reached the end and four weeks ago I had my knee replaced. I was very fearful to say the least.

Everything has gone well and my pain is down to a “tooth ache”. My PT is painful but I am making great progress.

My friend and surgeon recommended staying “in front” of the pain as I healed. I took 20 mg Tylenol #3 every four hours for 20 days. I began to realize the toxic nature of Tylenol #3 and stopped taking it. I did not reduce my dose. I stopped!

I can’t begin to tell you the darkness I began to experience. Depression and fear occupied my mind. I developed insomnia. I would cry over nothing. I have rooms in my house that I was scared to go in. I was in this dark hole. Each day off the drugs I would feel a little better. I made myself begin to drive again. I made myself get up and change my environment. I would set outside on our deck instead of being inside our home. I have been a real mess. When I would lay awake at night I would read scripture and pray while I would cry. Jesus would comfort me and give me some rest. Just like Brennan Manning says, “God is enough” I learned that Jesus is enough.

Be careful what you pray! Yesterday I prayed a prayer. “Jesus, heal me but let me keep my tender heart.” I woke this morning and was healed. I am well. I continue to have my tender heart. I am a different person. I feel I used to have an abrasive edge. No more. The only other event that comes close to the feeling I now have is the night 42 years ago when I ask Jesus to save my soul. I feel reborn again.

When you see me crying over something, rejoice with me that Jesus has saved my soul, kept my heart tender and given me a new path.

“In essence, there is only one thing God asks of us-that we be men and women of prayer, people who live close to God,

people for whom God is everything and for whom God is enough.

That is the root of peace.  

We have that peace when the gracious God is all we seek.” 

Brennan Manning